What Is Body Reading?

This work comes from a long history in psychology. It started with Freud. His student Wilhelm Reich showed that you could understand and analyze the personality by looking at the body. My mentor, Dr. John Pierrakos, a student of Reich, passed on the technology of reading the body to me. You can look at a person and understand his or her personality dynamics, behavior, and potential of change. Not just for therapists, body reading can be used for jury selection, sales calls, persuasion, improved communications, and greater understanding between people.

When clients comes for therapy, we need to assess them, so that we can help them by identifying the underlying issues. Some therapists use paper and pencil tests and others the Rorschach ink blot test. Somatic therapists get their information directly from the body: posture, facial expression, muscles, and energy flow. When you tell people about themselves on the basis of what you see in their bodies, they are motivated to work on themselves. When the client hears his or her story and see it in his or her body, it motivates that person to change. For instance, if you know that you give up too easily, but someone else can see it too in your posture, that is a call to action.

When I first started to assess the body, I was afraid to ask clients to undress, so I tried to look at them with their clothing on. However, when I got past my shyness and asked people to change into workout clothes, I could see changes in their skin color and body weight, I could see scars and tattoos. I was able to give a truer analysis. Clothes make it hard to see the more vulnerable parts of the body.

A lot of people say: “Well this is my body. It is just the way I am. I can’t do anything about it; this is me.” This is not true; research from the field of genetics and epigenetics shows an interplay between events and circumstances in a person’s life and one’s genetic heritage. For instance, posture is affected by lots of things: emotional trauma, angry parents, children raised in fear, lack of food, humility, and testosterone. When I look at posture, it tells me about the life wound. For instance the shoulders may roll forward to protect the heart or to help carry the burdens of life that weigh the person down. Your shoulders may have a certain width due to genetics, but how they are positioned, whether they sag, are raised up around the neck, are injured, hunch forward, or thrust back, is determined by life events.

I try not to overwhelm the person whose body I am assessing with information. I don’t want to keep secrets from them. So I only hold back what I consider superficial and I tell them the important things. Because people can handle only so much information, I share what I want someone to think about and work on. Body readings show parts of the personality that are unknown to the person being read. That the body tells their life story and that someone else can see it too, is very meaningful to them. Bodies show what people have experienced so far in life, where they have been, their past histories. Reich wrote that the body holds the frozen history of the person, that life wounds are frozen or fixed in the body, and that what a child has experienced even in the womb can be seen in the body years later. The body tells your life story. I suggest that the body will also expose your future and you can change it to attain a better future if you are so minded.

Karyne Wilner, PsyD 4/25/2018




Why I Became a Holistic, Body Therapist

Why did I leave talk therapy to do something different.  I was a humanistic therapist applying the work of Rogers, Perls, Gendlin, Erikson, even Ellis, in my practice. The experiential nature of the work invited me to be myself versus wearing the pro forma blank mask.

Then I met John Pierrakos, MD. at a Humanistic Psychology Conference. Everything turned rightside up for me and got even better. By looking at the body, I achieved a quick, dead on, ability to assess a person’s personality and behavior.

I didn’t throw out my DSM, but used this information to support traditional diagnoses and to question them. Body therapy techniques and exercises transformed my life, helping me love again, move my career in a new direction, finish my doctorate, adopt a child, and do all the things I secretly wanted to do.

If these tools worked for me, what would they do for my clients? So I changed my practice, not totally, but enough to help my clients find their core, move into their bodies, and way from the mind that led them to fear and self-judgment.

The bottom line —  I believe talk therapists and traditional therapists need to integrate the body and the transpersonal into their practice. Reasons:  boredom sets in; clients don’t change;  you experience less pleasure; your own life feels stuck; and when you want to help your clients experience pleasure, be in their truth, and open their hearts.

Warmly, Karyne


Rid Your Relationship of Cruelty

Love is the ultimate goal. Relationships can  be difficult if partners develop weapons to use against each other. Sometime stereotypes prevail. Men are supposed to be strong and women are seen as emotional and sensitive. Disappointment follows if men appear weak or emotional and women powerful and distant. People enter relationships burdened with issues: distrust, anger, hostility, passivity. They believe love is dangerous. Unconsciously they bring cruel behaviors and attitudes into the relationship, either by being passive and enduring cruelty or by being active and inflicting cruelty.

Behind the weapons lives an intense need to distance oneself driven by fear of life, fear of death, and fear of pleasure. So instead of respecting the life force–the core–and living in peace, without conflict, guided by the intelligence of the heart, they fall victim to their own fear, the negative energy that darkens their doorstep. Restructuring can only take place with self-care, sleep and healthy nourishment, love, and meditation or prayer. The two people must use both their outer and inner wills to correct their bad behavior, distinguish right from wrong, and embrace mutuality rather than running from it. They must choose the love force to overcome negativity.

When a relationship starts to fail, blame is often the culprit. They each say their unhappiness has been inflicted by the other. They believe themselves innocent victims. There may be a deliberate sabotage of the sexual  part of the relationship. Someone withholds or becomes too aggressive. The pleasure diminishes. One  person may initiate the negativity and the other may respond to it with  negativity. Victim versus hater.

At this point, they need to stop and separate from the negative beliefs, attitudes, behaviors and judgements poring forth from their fear-based brains and pay  attention to their conscious minds,  real selves, and true bodies. The body speaks the truth. When one listens only to one’s mind, one listen’s to fear. To listen to the heart brain and the gut brain is to know the truth. Rather than giving power to negative images, give power to heartfelt energy, pleasure, mutuality, and truth.

Three steps to take

  1. When your partner says something negative, do not respond with negativity, do not get defensive, and do not try to show why you are right?
  2.  Sit within the glow of your heart. Meditate on all that you love or have loved in the past about your partner, even if he or she is not acting that way at the moment.
  3.  Own your own fear of closeness and intimacy. You believe that if you can hate this person, you can run from the relationship and you will never be hurt again.

Thoughts of John Pierrakos M.D.  Expanded upon and written up by Karyne Wilner, PsyD


The Silence Of Forgiveness

We parked the car in the Munich airport this morning. After an 11-hour car trip through the Alps and four hours sleep in a German Pension, we boarded the plane for Berlin. (They will pick up the car after the training when they return to their summer home by the sea). Heidi told me the man sitting next to me on the plane was flirting, but I didn’t notice. Lost in deep meditation I wondered “why am I  here in Germany,” “why am I flying to Berlin?”—a place I viewed with horror as a child. Simply put, I am here about forgiveness. The first time I came to Berlin to teach, I felt hateful and angry. I felt like an outcast. I felt like I was being persecuted. When the class processed their work in German and no one translated for me, I experienced intense loneliness and rejection. The second time I came, the experience was somewhat better. I came to teach in a small village between Hamburg and Breman and because I love country and farmland, I found it tolerable. Also I talked a woman in the class about being Jewish, and that helped me to let go of my underlying hostility and fear.


This time being Jewish came up as soon as I came to Grafenhaun to teach. Laurenz, the director of the program, and I started to get to know each other in a deeper way and he asked me about my roots. I told him I was Jewish and he seemed surprised. He asked me if I needed to deal with this in class. He asked how I felt about being here in Germany. I told him I am happy to be here and I don’t need to deal with this in class. And that felt  true. And then as luck would have it…..


I often do a demonstration the first day of class. When I asked for a volunteer, Lois came up to the front to work with me. She told me that she has pain (chronic) in her solar plexus. When she started to work in that area of her body (deep breathing, kicking, etc) an intense yearning for the nurse who cared for her from birth till age two occurred. Soldiers came to Lois’s house and took the nurse away because she was Jewish. From then on, Lois was not allowed to broach the subject to her parents or mention the nurse by name. (The nurse survived the camps and Lois has seen her since). Needless to say, this experience touched me deeply and I then chose to share my Jewish heritage with the group. I applauded her courage and desire to work on the loss of a Jewish nanny. I felt relieved that she could release grief still held in her body, some fifty years later.


Earlier on the plane, I realized some anger and hate still resided in me. When I looked down below at the green fields, I saw them covered with blood. That feeling quickly changed to forgiveness and love. I am grateful to be here and to  have the opportunity to heal and to make a difference.


I also realize that I  need to take more time off when I return to the states, I will try to take the last week in August – to do errands, to think, to meditate, to write. I want to spend time in silence and in forgiveness. Not filling the space around me with words. Here in Europe I hear sounds. Since I don’t know the language—many of the sounds appear to lack substance or emotion. Silence offers tremendous knowing and wisdom.






Journey to Berlin to Teach Core Energetics, the 1990’s

After I make several phone calls to say goodbye, I board the plane. The aisle seat reserved for me on British Air does not exist. Instead I draw the second seat of four in the middle section of the Boeing 747. Sandwiched between two gentlemen, one American (who asks why I did not reserve an aisle seat), the other Austrian, I view a movie screen. My flight experience, a floating movie theatre. The American is friendly, attractive, and not wearing a wedding ring. He scores by storing my backpack in the crowded compartment above.

Ready for bed, my contacts out and my black leather shirt removed, I fall asleep in tights, T-shirt, and a floral thigh length robe, a piece of cheese between two slices of bread. Awakened twice, once for a salmon dinner and once for breakfast, I prepare to deplane. Ground control has another idea. Circling and circling, we land 30 minutes late. The bus that transfers me from Terminal 4 to Terminal 3 at Heathrow arrives in the nick of time of me for me to catch the United flight to Berlin. However, I am not allowed to board because my suitcase is still in transit. I am told to go back to Terminal 4 where I came from. When I refuse, the lady from United takes me over to a lady from British Air.

United: Its your fault she missed her flight. Your plane was late. What are you going to do about it?

British Air: Its not our responsibility. She was not booked all the way through on British Air

United: I thought you would say that. If it were us, we would give her a free ticket.

More barbs were exchanged. I offer to purchase a ticket. The cost is $200.00 for a one-way ticket. The ticket turns out to be first class, which I would not have purchased knowingly. My plane will not depart until 12:45. It is 10:30 pm Eastern time and 4:30 am British time. I see a duty free shop. I start to glow. My favorites await: Hermes scarves, Lladro figurines, Royal Daulton Mugs, Bally shoes, Yves St. Laurant purses. I select a wonderful bird sculpture for Saul’s birthday present. In my mind I convert pound to dollars. I go to pay.

Sales Clerk: Where is your boarding pass?

Me: Here.

Sales Clerk: But this plane has left.

Me: Well, I should have been on it. But I missed it.

Sales Clerk: You can’t use this boarding pass.

Me: Here is the ticket for my new flight.

Sales Clerk: That flight is from Terminal 1. This is Terminal 3. You can’t use it to buy this.

Me: Well, I guess I can’t buy this thing.

Sales Clerk: No you can’t. I don’t know why they tell you that you can shop here. They think they can get away with it.

Me: Nobody told me.

Sales Clerk: Oh.

I leave Terminal 3, walking a winding mile through olive colored walls. My ride to Terminal 1 on the transfer bus is peaceful. The only passenger, I read, think, and relax. Having received a new boarding pass from a handsome agent, I am directed to the security checkpoint. My knapsack fails the radar system and I am shuffled to one side, a security risk. A guard goes through my knapsack and I think he is looking for my knife. However, when he finds it, he opens it, closes it, and replaces it in my bag. Now, I am confused. What could I possibly be carrying? When the weapon comes to light, it is mace innocently attached to my key ring.

Guard: Gas is illegal in this country. It must be confiscated by the police.

Me: You can just have it.

Guard: No, we need the police.

Waiting patiently, I make myself a cracker and cheese sandwich, leftovers form the plane. A lady police-person arrives, pushes a paper in front of me to sign, and removes the mace in a plastic bag.

Moving to the lounge to await the Berlin flight, I am told to wait in the section for business travelers. My luxury ticket entitles me to comfortable tables and chairs and two long bars stocked with wine, champagne, juice, coffee, tea, biscuits, cookies, and fruit. I eat two chocolate cookies with my cup of tea and relax. When my flight is called, I sleep most of they way, with one interruption for a cold poached salmon meal. We arrive at 3:30 pm Berlin time, 7:30 am Eastern time. I feel relieved when my suitcase is unloaded. Customs moves quickly and soon I am on the sidewalk outside the airport. Bus 109 is recommended by my guidebook as the cheapest way to travel to the center of Western Berlin. It is waiting, and although the driver does not speak English, I pay and with his help decipher the correct bus stop.

I am here. Now what will I experience?

Next blog, My first Core Energetics Teaching Experience in Berlin



First Love

His big firm hand folded around my tiny, delicate hand. We walked together to the corner ice cream store.

I felt so safe.

My hand melted into his and I felt the protection of his bulk.

I didn’t want this walk to end. “This is ecstacy,” I thought.

The counter in the store stretched from wall to wall, its white formica gleaming.

My head rose no higher than the ice cream counter stools mounted into the floor with heavy silver screws.

Patting the soft red padding lovingly, I waited for his strong arms to pick me up,

noticing the powerful muscles hidden under his coat sleeves.

He lifted me at the waist and placed me gently on the red seat.

Once seated, I twisted and twirled, spinning first to the left and then to the right,

kicking my little legs in glee.


Fire in the Heart: For All Core Energetics Graduates (of any training)

         We, Charles Corley. MEd, and myself (Karyne Wilner, PsyD) are offering a new third year certificate program, through the Core Energetics Academy, which we co-direct.
* Some of you have graduated from my two year professional training
Some of you have graduated from 4 or 5 year programs at another training
Here is WHY
*Understand the necessity of keeping the body vital for cellular health.
*Strengthen your understanding of sexuality and the life force.
*Work on the socio-energetic- biologic level with neuropeptides, epigenetics, and neuroplasticity (what John always talked about)
* Revitalize your practice  *Market yourself
* Explore your own resistance to the work
* Understand the relationship between sexual energy and physical health.
* Learn techniques to enhance your sexual energy – the life force – in your body.
* Experience a higher energy pulsation.
*You get to visit  Rhode Island and enjoy the beaches
*You get a certificate at the end
When and Where and How much?
*Its not expensive
This training begins Saturday, October 21-22, 2017. The second weekend
is December 2-3, 2017– if you miss the first.
We meet 6 weekends over one year
Low Cost —- $1800.00
1005 Aquidneck Avenue, Middletown/Newport, RI 02842
: Dr. Karyne Wilner is a licensed psychologist who practices in Rhode Island and Co-Director of the Core Energetics Academy. An adjunct instructor at Salve Regina University, she teaches Core Energetics to mental health professionals and students. In the past, she was Assistant Director of The Institute of Core Energetics, Associate Director of Core Energetics Australia, and Senior Director of Core Energetics in Brazil. Her current interest is writing about what the body communicates about the personality and its connection to sexuality and love.
Charles Corley, MEd, LMHC, has a full-time private practice as a
Core Energetics Therapist, working with individuals, couples and
families. He is a senior faculty member at the Institute of Core
Energetics and teaches internationally. He also has 27 years of
experience in facilitating groups in areas including substance abuse,
actor support, man’s and adolescents groups.
Register: or 401-316-7041

The Biological Base of Anger

Research studies indicate that anger and fear are associated with health issues, particularly those related to the cardiovascular system. In general, anger and fear are normal, healthy emotions. Anxiety is a form of fear that usually precedes an event and it based on a person’s worst thoughts of what might happen. In actuality some anxiety allows people to perform better during speaking engagements or competitive events. So if it is not paralyzing or overly strong, anxiety can be considered helpful prior to a performance.
Anger can also serve people if it is not violent or aggressive. lt warns a person to respond appropriately in a dangerous situations and it motivates people to react to personal attacks or threats to their security. Anger also challenges individuals to make changes that allows them to achieve their goals. So insults that anger people may actually motivate them to prove the other wrong by engaging in new or different behaviors.
Anger results from the relationship between the limbic system, the center of emotions in the brain, the sympathetic nervous system [SNS], the nervous system that controls the fight, flight, or freeze response, and consciousness, the mechanisms that control how people think about or perceive an event. When the emotional brain receives information from the part of the brain that perceives an impending threat, it sends signals to the body using biochemicals called neurotransmitters. These chemicals communicate by telling the body to respond to the threat.
When the SNS gets the message it responds to this perception of danger by eliciting the “fight or flight” response and triggering the release of hormones, such as adrenaline and norepinephrine, into the bloodstream. This internal flood of hormones is experienced in the brain, labeled as anger, fear, or both, and interpreted in a manner that causes people to fight to protect their beliefs and their lives.



It is the Tuesday evening before Thanksgiving and I think of the gifts I received earlier in the day. At 8 am, Jane, my massage therapist, worked on my pelvis, the psoas muscles in particular, bringing energy to places in my body where there had been only a trickle. When I arrived at my office I learned that Donna, my secretary, completed a difficult negotiation with an insurance company who had not been paying the contracted amount. Best of all, I received the gift of authenticity from four clients who dropped their masks and shared realistic concerns about the frustration of parenting, the chill of loneliness, the fear of dying, and a recent psychotic break followed by a dream of integration and healing. What an amazing day of receiving gifts from others!

As I was preparing food for the Thanksgiving dinner, I thought about a class I taught in New York City . One of the themes was “giving.” Atlunchtime I sent the students out into the street, 23rd Street and Park Avenue, with an assignment. In addition to getting lunch, they were told to give something of themselves to their fellow human beings, strangers who they met along the way. When the students returned from lunch, several said the assignment stumped them. Two of them confessed that they didn’t want to give anything of themselves to anyone. Others couldn’t figure out what to give. The last few said that they ended up giving money to beggars. I learned that day that the idea of giving to give, giving from one’s heart, and not out of obligation, or for a need to get something back, remained a difficult concept even for therapists in training.

Here are five points about giving. I am certain many of you could add other thoughts about giving as well.

#1 Giving to receive If a person gives in order to get, it’s manipulation. In contrast when a person gives from the higher self, that person has an amazing experience. True giving, without needing anything back, opens the energy centers and allows energy from the universe to flow into the body and fill the giver. Giving creates waves of vibratory forces which lead to an experience of pleasure and joy.

A Sister of Mercy I worked with in Philadelphia became a friend as well as client. She taught me more about “giving” than anyone. Although she had many complaints about the nuns she lived with, about her family of origin, and about her body, as she suffered from some serious ailments, in the middle of listing these sundry complaints, she would light up. She sparkled as she shared about the jobless or the homeless people who she found ways to help. Her face and body came alive with love. She looked like an old-fashioned Christmas tree with its candles aglow. The energy field around her became light and airy. My friend, the Sister of Mercy, taught me the true art of giving.

#2 Giving is Receiving   You can also give by receiving from another. Receiving can be an important form of giving. One of my students described this process, saying that someone who she did not know very well gave her a poster. By receiving it with grace and expressing her appreciation, the giver felt happy — and my student experienced the positive consequences of giving by simply receiving. This principle is utilized by therapists, who receive their clients, helping them feel heard, understood, and accepted, sometimes for the first time ever.

#3   Giving means being genuine, authentic, and real  Giving is saying what is true for you. It is being direct, even confrontational when necessary. Giving is letting the other know where you stand, even if it means telling someone you are not interested in them or no longer wish to spend time with them.

When I look at the relationships I value, they are those where I am honest and the other person is honest with me. I want to feel safe enough in my own skin to risk telling others the truth. When you look at the larger picture, giving is not simply about kindness, although that is certainly one aspect of it, but it is really about being in your truth.

#4 Giving is accompanying someone into the dark places Working with a patient who had a series of symptoms, mainly physical, accompanied by one obsessive thought, that occurred over and over again, I found giving can mean being a companion on a road that passes through some pretty dark places. This client’s thought involved a form of self-punishment. One day in session, he lay pillows down on the floor and told me that he wanted to release some stuff. He lay on top of the pillows and began to hit, kick, and scream. The screams were directed at his mother. He cursed her for negating him in every way possible, and then drawing him to her as if he were her little man. He screamed at her not to undress in front of him, that he did not want to see her without clothing, and that he was not her husband. When the session ended he was radiant. He turned to me and said, “I feel fine; I don’t need to analyze this” and then he left.   There was no action on my part other than being a witness. As this example indicates the giving is in the witnessing, and in the accompanying of another into his or her dark, forgotten place.

#5 Giving is releasing negative energy When a person confronts his or her own rage, anger, hatred, fear, terror, and the myriad of forms these emotions take and releases these feelings through body work that is nonthreatening to others — that person is giving. The person is giving some aspect of her essence. By being honest about negative feelings, one achieves the freedom to be oneself. By expressing and confronting these inner horrors one frees oneself of shame and guilt. At times, expression of negative thoughts and feelings, if not directed at a specific person, can be the greatest gift of all.

#6 Precious memories of giving My Aunt Miriam was a giving person. When I would visit her as a child, she had activities planned for me to engage in. She let me play dress-up in her sexy nightgowns, she bought me pretty clothes, she taught me how to sell shoes in her store, and she gave me the confidence that I could and would succeed. As an adult I realize that Aunt Miriam is not as unique as I imagined. There are many giving people, like my Aunt Miriam on the planet at any given time. If you are reading this, you will think of someone you know who has given in a special way that will never be forgotten.

Never lose sight of the beauty of giving. It surrounds you. And here is the greatest challenge: to be genuine, to receive from others and express appreciation, to give from your heart, with no thought of getting back?,



Love, Sex & Eros, Pitfalls & Pleasures


The ideal love relationship is one in which love, sex, and eros are united. However, in most relationships only one or two of these conditions are present, but not the third. 1) You might have a lot of sex and no deep abiding feelings or commitment to the other; 2)  you could have deep feelings and no sex; 3) or there might be a lot of eros (romance) but nothing else, so that your relationships remain platonic. 4) Finally, some couples have friendship and sex, without romance or excitement, and end up looking for excitement outside of the relationship.

Affairs occur because some people defend themselves against feeling pain or being hurt in a love relationship by separating their heart feelings from their sexual feelings. A rejection or abandonment may have occurred in childhood. For instance if little Patty at age 5 had a crush on her dad and he pushed her away due to his embarrassment about having sexual feelings toward her, she may have experienced rejection. Consequentially, when Patty grew up separated her heart feelings from her pelvis. Therefore as an adult she has sex with men she does not care about and deep caring friendships with other men with whom she has no chemistry. Similarly little Louis could have fetl attracted to and then rejected by his mother. One moment she hugged him and told him what a delightful little boy he was and in the next she shooed him out of her bedroom so she could nap. Like Patty, Louis will split off his sexual and love feelings when he becomes an adult.


Similar to romance or infatuation Eros is short lived. However it leads you out of stagnation and gives you an idea of how good it feels to be close to another person. Eros can hit with the force of Cupid’s arrow. Fueled by chemistry it unites two people. However, in our culture Eros is confused with love.

Some people fear Eros. They are afraid of the loneliness or sadness that may follow if it dies. Therefore they avoid romance. Others who are on a quest for love and romance seek it out. It provides excitement without the hard work that goes along with love.

Eros fizzles out when you cannot move to the next step and make a commitment to love the other. You may only want to move from emotional high to emotional high. When the high fades, you prefer to find someone else and move onto another adventure. On the other hand, Eros may end as soon as negative aspects of the other’s personality appear or when you think you know all there is to know about the other. Without curiosity or when sharing with each other stops, the relationship becomes unexciting.


Love combines feelings, intelligence, the body, and spirit. Love is a powerful force involving the total being. Love is active. It is more than saying words like “I love you” although the words are important. Love is a commitment expressed through intention and behavior.

Some people fear Love, because the mind says, “If I love, I will be taken advantage of, I will be hurt”. You may remember hurts from past relationships and use them to talk yourself out of risking opening the heart again.

Once you get past the fear of making the commitment, the act of giving and receiving love will lead to a state of inner and outer health and excitement.

Healthy Love depends on  loving yourself — first, because true loving involves feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. Also being conscious of your negative traits, such as laziness or stubbornness, is important; Otherwise you may use them to aggravate your partner or you may project them out onto the other. Finally, you must get past the belief that you don’t deserve Love.

Love fails when the attraction for the other person is not really for the other person, but for an image in your mind’s eye. If this occurs you are still looking for the perfect parent that you never had. So you therefore abandon one after another love partner who falls short of the image in your mind.

Love grows strong when you accept your partner and give your partner space. If you have been preprogrammed to expect to be hurt in a relationship, try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. View the person with warmth and trust. For the other to be real, you must see the positive as well as the negative.

To Love, you must be able to stand some frustration and pain without feeling cheated. There will be pain, but it is worth it.


People who are attracted sexually are like positive and negative poles of a magnet – they are pulled together – they want to connect with each other. Sex is the physical yearning of two people to know each other – to find each other.

If 2 people are fused mentally, physically, and emotionally, that is, they share on all levels – a new reality will arise – a spiritual reality leading to a deep and abiding love. If the attraction exists only on the physical level, it will fizzle out.

In a true adult sexual relationship, there is mutual giving and receiving, both partners give, nurture, receive, take in, give out, and exchange feelings.

If the infant who lives within you is unfulfilled, and still looking for the totally nurturing mother, you may be passive in sex, therefore, waiting to be served. Therefore a mutual sexual experience cannot occur and both of you may end up frustrated.

To have a deep sexual and love relationship, you and your partner must be compatible on a mental level. This means you must be able to understand each other and share common interests. You could have good sex, but if you lack the ability to communicate and share, the relationship will hit a wall.

The sexual experience represents the personality. The power hungry person will try to dominate in sex, a passive person will be passive, someone stingy at work will withhold in sex, and a person who is cruel to his employees will be cruel in bed. Whatever problems are in your personality will come out in sex. On the other hand, sexuality can also express the beauty that exists within you. For example, the tenderness, gentleness, and caring that appears in your life will appear in sex.

If you separate sexual desire from affection, the sex is often followed by guilt. For some people, the guilt is unconscious – but it is there – in addition, the relationship usually disintegrates as the sex becomes flat.


To conclude, an ideal relationship unites Sex, Love and Eros. The excitement of Eros bridges you with another. With self love, and the intention to commit, accept, and value the other, you will transform Eros into Love — by giving, receiving, sharing, revealing, and accepting without judgment. Love means receiving the other’s negative actions, if they are not abusive. Love means believing: “When you hurt me, I won’t judge you, because I know you love me.” In love you are provided with the opportunity to bask in the warmth that comes from living authentically. Only then can two selves unite as one.