Other’s Needs Before My Own

It was Friday, October 1, 2011, the eve of Rosh Hoshona. My plan was to stop and see Aunt Miriam at St. Ann’s hospital on the way back to Portsmouth from my office in Providence, see one client at the Portsmouth office, pick up Nicole at Portsmouth Abby, meet Jack at his office, unload the RV, and then have dinner as a family.

When I could not get off 195 in Fall River because of Friday’s heavy traffic, I drove directly to see the client in Portsmouth, telling myself I would return to see Aunt Miriam that evening after our family dinner. Nicole, who I picked up after work with the client, declined dinner with us because she had a lot of homework due for her Saturday class. Sensitive to her needs. I called Jack and with a disappointed tone of voice, he said: “do what you think is best”. Therefore, I dropped Nicole at the house to study. When I got to Jack’s office, the door was locked and he was gone. I found him having just finished unloading the RV. We drove home separately and it took untill 9 pm to discuss the situation and get back on track. We then went to dinner (just the two of us) and made up.

Now it was 10:30 and I had no energy left. I went home to bed, telling myself that I would go to the hospital first thing in the morning before the workshop that I was leading. I awoke at 7:30 am to find that my sister had called my cell phone during the night. When I returned the call, she told me that my aunt had passed away at 3:00 am. The hospital had tried to reach me but because my cell phone battery was almost dead,  I did not hear it ring. My sister  also tried to call me, but she was using a number that was no longer in use.

Sadly, my trip to say goodbye to my aunt took place in Saint Anne’s morgue rather than in her room. My guilt, now slowly turning to regret, is that I wanted to be with her when she passed over and instead she was with strangers, frightened and then alone. For me this story shows the twisted consequences that may occur when other people’s needs are put first and your own are ignored. My only need that Friday was to be in that hospital with my aunt. And that is the one place I did not end up.

So as not to end on an entirely dismal note, when I spoke to a respected healer about this, she offered to get in touch with my aunt. The message that came back is “that she is grateful I moved her to be close to me, that there weren’t any mistakes, and it was all divine order helping her to leave when she did. Above all she was grateful to be loved so much.

If you have had similar experiences, or would interpret this one differently, please let me know.



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